Many of us will want to implement change in our lives because we are not satisfied with the way things are. Perhaps we want to be free of addiction, or perhaps we want to change the way we structure our days, or want to eat more healthily, or change the way we interact with people. Inevitably we believe that changes will bring us more happiness or a better quality of life. Indeed, we may want change because we have realised our worth. However, there are things that might hinder progress.
There is a force of nature called inertia. In physics,this refers to the property of all matter that has mass, In which things that are at rest tend to remain at rest, while things that are in motion, tend to remain in motion. Simply put, it takes energy to get something to start moving. Similarly, it takes energy to get something to stop moving. This law seems to apply in the psychological dimensions also. What I mean is that if you wish to initiate a new way of being in your life, it may require that you put considerable energy into doing so. Similarly, if you wish to stop doing something, it may also take considerable energy to stop doing it.
For example, you may have realised your sense of self-worth, or you have developed some self-esteem. Consequently, you may have decided to mind your own well being. Perhaps you are trying to engage more with life, or to develop your social environment. However the people around you may not realise that something has changed within you. At the sane time, you may no longer respond in ways you use to respond to people. Take for example someone who has quit alcohol or smoking.
Previously, the smoker or alcoholic may have responded to social invitations in a particular manner. After they have withdrawn from a substance, they may no longer respond in the same manner. Thus, the people around them may read the mew behaviours as strange or unusual. Unfortunately, (or fortunately) these surprised friends will either withdraw their friendship or discourage the new behaviours. This then puts the person attempting changes to return to previous unwanted behaviours. Therefore, the loss of friendships and relationships could accompany changes in self-concept or behaviour. In fact, a changed relationship to one thing could lead to changes in other relationships. I refer to this as situational inertia.
All of us exist in psychological and social equilibrium. In other words, we live in a system of interactions between ourselves and the world. Therefore, it is not surprising that when we change something inside ourselves, that we may upset the equilibrium outside ourselves. So do not be surprised when the changes you implement create crises for you. These crises may occur gradually or they may occur suddenly and simultaneously. Sometimes the stress they in evoke in us may lead us to return to previous unwanted attitudes, beliefs and behaviours.
So how can we avoid this problem? One way to avoid this kind of situational inertia, is too predict and to plan for it. In other words, we need to have a roadmap for change that includes the possibility that the relationships we have formed, may change as we change our relationships to other things in our lives. It also involves trusting that we will be open to new and more healthy relationships. In short, it means that we need to have courage. But courage does not exclude the possibility of being gentle and tender with ourselves. Each of us has immeasurable value, and each of us has a right to implement changes to make us more whole.
When everything seems to be going wrong, it's important to ask ourselves the question is this because I have changed my relationship to something? In fact, what seems catastrophic at one instant in time may, on reflection, later prove to be a blessing in disguise. I invite you to conduct a thought experiment. Think back to your past And remember a time when something catastrophic happened. At the time, you may have thought the event was something awful and terrible. Now try and imagine your life without that event having occurred. I suggest that in many cases you will realise that the catastrophic event was in fact a catalyst for an opportunity or for something good. You are probably aware of the saying that when one door closes another door opens. I have experienced people saying this to me in the past, and found a little flippant. However, when I look back, it's inevitably true. I am not denying that bad things can happen and do have long-term term negative consequences. However, it is useful to think back and reflect on how something catastrophic turned out to be positive in the long term.
So I am urging courage on your part, and I am asking you to consider that what You see as catastrophic may in fact not be. Perhaps this universe In which we find ourselves is actually quite a friendly place! I wish you warmth and goodness.
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